John said to me the other night, "You know what's missing from your blog these days?" Without batting my eyes I said, "Random sex with anonymous strangers?" in the cutest most innocent way possible. He didn't even bother to acknowledge that question but continued on his own.
"No, you're missing your whole cast of characters."
"Like I said John, there's kind of problem with introducing new characters on the blog...it's called infidelity!" as I jokingly hit his arm. Again he just rolled his eyes and me and sighed in his patient and patented "How-Did-I-Marry-This-Dummy-Again?" sigh.
"No! You never talk about your old cast of people...I mean you still hang out with everyone, but you never fill people in on what's going on in their lives."
"Well HELLO!" throwing up my arms and stating,"My blog is about ME!" in a way that only an only child can.

But then I conceeded that he may, in fact, be correct. So...here goes:

Chelle- Remember her?? She was my cohort in many a Derek chasing excursion. She was the girl that I could talk into going out any day of the week by explaining carefully to her that we needed to "Seize the Day", granted, we never did anything more than "Seize the Booze". There was a time a ways back in the history of this blog where she was making out with boys left and right. Kissing co-workers, skinheads and cute men alike, but that's all over now! Chelle's getting married...in March! Whoo! Needless to say, Mr. Chelle-to-be does not know the contents of this blog, nor will he...ever...Chelle, that's my gift to you.

To explain how agreeable and amiable Chelle is ,it's necessary to say that on Saturday she accepted my offert to join John and myself at the bar...she joined up with us at 4pm...this was a pivotal hour. It became our mission to get Chelle drunk and therefore to get her fiance out and about to pick her up. I'm not sure why this was so important to us but we succeeded in our goals. And I'm sure that Rob wasn't all that pleased with us...particularly John and myself because after our many, many hours out and about we were truly blithering idiots. Luckily, I think our friends were so pleased to see us in our old haunts that they took good care of us and after eleven hours out at the bar (yes, you read correctly, we decided to go out at 12pm and we were delivered us safely back to our house (by our loveable designated driver) at 11 pm where I immediately went to sleep (read: pass out) and John (crazy man that I love) decided to do some drunken house cleaning. I woke up to a perfectly clean kitchen and bar with all the recycling lined up neatly on the counter. I honestly thought that Dobby the house elf stopped by.

Ml- remember this coworker, exciting friend extrodinaire? Ml was my partner in crime from many work happy hours where we trolled for excitement and boys--well as much fun and excitement as the Cornfield would allow us. Often times we found ourselves in weird situations like the time she played wingman for me and she ended up getting her toes licked by a gross married man...all the while drunken Ml forgot to look down and thought it was my dog. When she did realize who/what it was, she kicked him in the face and said, "Oops!" and then got out of Dodge. A lovely addendum to this story is that the "gross married man" also ended up being the bartender at John and my wedding reception. Ml was thrilled (and by thrilled I mean disgusted) that she had to see him every time she wanted precious liquor. So anyways, Ml is doing well...she is still trying to find the perfect man, but while on the elusive search she hangs out with some not-so-perfect (but oh so cute) boys in the meantime.

Coming soon... updates on E and my ever fun friend T.

Last night was my turn to host the BCT meeting, BCT stands for "Bitches Coming Together". My friends from work and I created this idea so that we don't get burned out from our jobs. And here's what we do--we take turns hosting BCT and once a month we get invited to a friend's house--go along with some wacky theme, eat a delicious meal, get a little tipsy and laugh hysterically at each other.


Since my BCT turn fell around Christmas we turned it into a Pollyanna event. I got my friend Ml this year and since she's known for her wild "jump on the stage with the band" antics, I purchased her a one man band kit...she will now be running around with castanets--it makes me proud that I'm responsible for this. As my gift, I received a blockbuster card and...wait for it...a David Hasselhoff clock!! Whooo! My friends obviously know who they're dealing with.


On the menu last evening was beef tips and mushroom gravy, mashed potatoes, peas (corn for people who don't like peas...who are these people? They should be eliminated) and then I attempted to make a chocolate turtle skillet cake. There was a problem with that. First, I didn't have a skillet that I thought could withstand the heat of the over so I decided to forgo the skillet. My alternative?? I used a very deep glass bowl. Unfortunately, for me I had a little too much wine (oh my god!! have you ever gotten Smoking Loon wine?? The cork has "whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo 'cough' whoo whoo whoo" on it...I've never laughed so hard at a cork in my life!!) and my wine addled brain couldn't figure out why the cake wasn't cooking. So what did I do?? I served cake sludge of course!! People ladled out "cake" onto their plates in little brown puddles and chowed down as if it was the way it was supposed to be. I love my friends. They don't make me feel as inept as I probably am.


Proof that I can throw a good get together (Which by the way *rubbing knuckles on shirt* I was told that I have thrown the BEST BCT ever!) is that my friend Jackie got tipsy and wrote weird, funny, rambly messages to people which I found this morning as I stumbled around getting ready for work today. I have for you several exhibits of this behavior. *Names will be changed to protect the guilty.


Exhibit A

"K peed on the side of the road. B looks like she is a 40 year old Brazilian woman. When I come from Punjabi, you come pick me up."


Exhibit B

"Melina stop molesting B with the hook--you might pop her fake boobs. I wish you had more mushrooms for me. I will threaten you with a stick of pepperoni--you will love it. I saw you with my big meat loaf. One time I saw you at the supermarket and you had on purple panties. They weren't yours--were they M.E's (the super old lady who works with us)? Imagine if M.E had a peg leg. Cool--I know--I pictured it too.


Exhibit C

"B,

You are a really smelly bitch. Sometimes when I wear bras outside my clothes I take pictures for you. Matt is marrying you because you are a slut who gives head in the car and kitchen. Please don't fall down in the strip club because you have big boobs and little feet."


Exhibit D

J,

Open your mouth and let him in- Trust me, he will appreciate it. Remember when your anal beads got stuck in the potty (that never happened to J by the way)? You are my best black friend (She isn't black!). What do you love poles? I love them too. Let's go somewhere and get in a brawl. Don't worry , I got your back- Do you think we could win a fight- no weapons- just hand to hand combat?"



This just proves that it was a hilarious night AND that new mothers who are released back into the wild get a little nutsy when first reintroduced to the 'sauce'! I feel so lucky with my life right now...I have the best friends, the most wonderful husband, and an awesome dog. Never in my life have I been so content, so happy, constantly looking forward to what great thing is going to happen next. I feel all warm and flushed as if I were constantly tipsy and giggling.