My friend Tara just began seeing a therapist, I don't think she'd mind me telling you because you don't know her. When she came back from her first appointment I asked her how it went and she told me the following:

Tara: Well, she's a lot older than I expected her to be...

Me: I guess that could be good, she's experienced and wise or whatever...

Tara: No, you don't get it. She started to fall asleep while I was talking!

Me: (gasping laughter that I can't control) What did you do?

Tara: I yelled loudly, "Are you OK?"

Me: That worked right?

Tara: For a little. She apologized and blamed it on new medication.

Me: Right....the old medication trick, and well she could've just blamed it on the fact that she was old! That's what she should've done.

Tara: Well...that made her explain to me that she needed to eat. So she whipped out crackers and Easy Cheese while I continued talking about my problems.

Me: What?!? What's wrong with this old bag?

Tara: I don't know, but she did offer me a cracker while she was spraying on her cheese!

Me: Were you just dying of laughter? Did you take a cracker and cheese? I would've I love Easy Cheese!

Tara: No I didn't take a cracker! I just wanted to get out of there. I mean, here I am spilling intimate details of my life and the lady is just dining and napping on my dime!

Me: Are you going to go back? I kinda think you have to go back to see what she's going to do next. Maybe she'll iron? Play Solitaire? Look at porn on the Internet?

Tara: I don't know. I want to go back but I don't know if I'll leave her living if she whips out the hor d'oerves again.

Me: Just think, I'm constantly eating when you tell me your problems...and I used to be drunk most of the time too, just pretend you're talking to a really old, hungry drunk version of me.

Tara: I can do that.