This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
You'd think I had green eyes...
Remember the post when I was jealous over my sister-in-law "stealing my thunder" by getting pregnant and is having the grandchild in the family? Well, today I found out from John over a text message, "It's a girl!" and my heart fell just a little bit more, and tears started to well up in my eyes...because, yes...I was hoping that she would be pregnant with a boy and that I, could have the first baby girl. And the unwanted thought stealthily crept into my head, "Does she have to take everything I want?" The tears welled up a little but never fell because I became a little disgusted with myself and I started having one of those irritating internal dialogues with myself that went a little something like this:

"Can't you just be happy for her?"
"Why? Why do I have to be?"
"Because she's the one who's pregnant right now, and she's the one who found out that she's having a baby girl...and well, because she's a real girly girl and deserves a little girl who she can play dress up with, and do her hair like a little fairy princess and..."
"Ok, ok...I get it. I'm happy for her."
"I'm not convinced."
"Well deal with it, I'll be happy for her...eventually."

After my momentary descent into multiple personalities, I finally admitted to myself that Sister-in-Law is a lucky, beautiful and wonderful woman and that she's going to make a terrific mother and I should really get over myself. I mean for real, for real. For the past few weeks since I've known about her pregnancy I've put on my fake smile and I've pretended excitement for her, but it wasn't until today that I truly looked at what I'm doing. It's time to pull myself out of my only child syndrome of "I want, I want, I want" and "Mine! Mine! Mine!" and be a good friend (well, work on becoming one...we don't know each other all that well yet), a good sister and not such a fucking brat.

Plus it'll be fun to buy things like this and this and this. And maybe for myself, this and this. Well, that wasn't what I was really looking for, but when I found it, it made me giggle.

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posted by Melina at 3:53 PM