Yesterday the Cornfield experienced some magnificient weather. Such weather apparently makes all of us Fielders want to get out and do something...and apparently driving around aimlessly was what most of the folks chose to do. Not me.

Because I didn't go out carousing for the sheer sake of my liver, and for Drk's sake (how many nights must he put up with me? well let's not answer that, but I decided to give him a night off from my "charms") I did not have a hangover. I woke up the birds were singing and chirping and for once I wasn't looking for a shotgun to blast those babies right out of the tree (you know I'd never do that right?). I decided that it was gardening time. It was time to finally begin sprucing up my yard and get everything spiffy. All my mom said over the phone as I chirped ideas into the phone was, "It's about damn time." You see, I bought my house last year. The house belonged to a man who was very dedicated to his bachelordom (bachelorhood?). Every room in my house is wired for speakers, I have a lovely bar downstairs a fabulous wrap around deck with bench seating built in and a separate pedastal area for grill to be honored and obeyed. Everything unrelated to partying however, has been sorely neglected. First, by the initial owner and then by yours truly. Well, bachelor pad no more. Ok, I can't lie...bachelor pad a little less...I just had to start adding some flowers, curtains...anything that stopped screaming "Hef lives here" or more simply "Hef approves!"

Now massive overhauling of the flower beds needed to be done. I felt that I could not do this alone as I can't find gardening gloves and I definitely wasn't shoving my hands into that wormy gross crap people call dirt. So I did the next best thing. I invited my mom and her boyfriend over to do the gardening WITH me...mmmhhhmm, I oversaw the projects mostly. All projects need a foreman with insight, am I wrong? I'm exaggerating a little bit, but the three of us went to town and really accomplished quite a bit. However, while we were working we noticed something more than just a little disconcerting. My neighbors.

I believe I told you about how my neighbors are weird and spy on me, ask me questions about my daily schedule etc...(go to the archives if you don't believe me), well those same neighbors as well as others behaved as odd as you can get--yet again.

I felt like I was either an exotic wild cat at the zoo that people were waiting to see either eat or mate, or like a circus freak. People kept walking up to my house (in large tour groups) and stood there--staring. My favorite group to take in the sights of me in a sports bar alongside my mom and her middle aged boyfriend was Drk's entire family except him (obviously, because he doesn't live with his parents). So Dad (a biker-ish kind of guy with a really warm smile), Mom (incredibly petite and also very smiley), Drk's sister who has just moved back in with the family, Drk's little tiny neice, their dog that looked like a mop (I had to resist throwing myself on the dog and wrestling it to the ground--it was just that cute!) all stood there expectantly and mooney-eyed. Anyways, Drk's family stood on the side walk in a huddled mass staring at (presumably) at the work (but possibly just at us) my little psuedo family unit had accomplished and seemed to take everything in. But why?

I resisted the urge to walk over to them and say, "Hello my name's Melina and I've been attempting to seduce your son for the past four months." But I didn't. Partially because I was too afraid to get the quick nod of acceptance that would read as, "Yes we know that." However, knowing that Drk is an intensely private person I doubt that he has ever mentioned the fact to his parents that their neighbor is "enthusiastically pursuing him" (I believe criminal law books might read this as stalking). So instead of mentioning anything about Drk I walked down towards them, wiped my hands off on my pant leg and stuck my hand out, "Hi, I'm Melina...I live here" and shrugged a shoulder at the house. Dad pumped my hand quickly and he announced where they lived (yep. already knew that) and who they were (yep, got that down too) and then we stood awkwardly until I had enough common sense to do as the politicians do and play with the baby and the dog. After that, I retreated back toward where my mom and her main man were toiling with rotten railroad ties and it was then that I noticed that the next group of spectators were on the way up the street...
...it's official, I'm a carnie. I'm a midway spectacle. "Come one, come all...watch Melina type out drunken text messages when she can hardly hold up her head." "Witness the woman who will make a total fool of herself just to win a date with the short order cook!" --Ok I need a better barker tagline...let me consult with the Bearded Lady.