I was thinking about friendships and how they evolve. Some friendships disipate quickly, some bloom again over time, some fade away without notice and some are painfully absent from your life. Is it because we are constantly evolving, or is it the lack of evolution of one of the friends the reason friendships shift and change? I picture it kind of like tectonic plates...sometimes they dive under the other quietly (and slowly) and other times they collide when they shift, causing a major upset.

I have always had a knack for making friends. I can walk into a room and easily chat someone up and then ending up having that person as a friend for years. My self-depricating humor and my mocking ways usually endear me to some. However, I can also lose friends in an instant because I can easily get wrapped up in myself. I always thought I was a pretty good only child--meaning that I thought I wasn't very self-centered, but I think I kind of veiled that flaw from myself.

I love to try and solve my friend's problems but I feel intruded upon when someone offers me suggestions about how to fix something in my life...is it because I'm an independent person? Or is it just the fact that I don't want anyone telling me what to do? I'm not sure. And perhaps, am I too an intruder without realizing it?

Isn't it strange that the people who have entered your life in the most random ways affect you and mold you to some extent? I was thinking about the closest friends at different points in my life and what they've given to me and now I want to share that with you.

Nicky Cherry- preschool. She asked me to rip her tooth out of her gums (it was a slight bit wobbly) so that she could "meet the tooth fairy". I pulled it out, causing a gushing of blood and tears but also the excitement of the chance to encounter a fairy. I remember Nicky for two reasons. One, she spelled her name like a boy and two, she moved right after preschool and left my little preschool heart aching for my friend. Sometimes I wonder if we would be friends today? I would honestly put money on it, if I knew where she was.

Josh- my old next door neighbor. Way back when, when nothing but fun mattered he taught me the wonders of discovery. We would take apart radios, mess around with the guts and then reassemble it to the point where it would never work again. Even though as we got older we weren't as close, and now--not close at all, I have vivid memories of all the interesting adventures that we ventured on together.

Tash-my other neighbor. We were rediculous together at times. We shared awkward moments of teenage let down due to bad clothing (breaker jeans), bad hair and our wooden nature around boys our age who didn't live in our neighborhood. Let's just say, we didn't really have a lot of game back then. However, we were truly able to have fun by ourselves. Seriously, that girl can make me cackle over just about anything. We would cackle like two wild hyenas (seriously). And now I'm cute, and Tash--well, let's just say there are very few men that can keep their jaws from dropping to the floor when she walks by. On top of that she's incredibly smart, but quiet about it. I like how unassuming she can be. She rakes in the cash, has a great family and she would never announce it to the world (my big mouth did that for her for a while).

Nik- I met her when we were working at Victoria's Secret during the summer before my senior year at college. There was just something hilarious about her especially when at four in the morning during a horrendous floor set...she's yelling at me for hanging the bras incorrectly! We managed to keep in touch via weekend emails that always said the same thing, "The craziest thing happened to me, can't wait to tell ya!" and then we could never remember what they were all about. She helped get me a job when I was in grad school (ok it was retail but it was badly needed) and she was just so creative. She would buy all sorts of clothing and do weird alterations to them. Half the time, I would've never worn what she had on, but I appreciated her uniqueness.

Cr- I met Cr after my dad died. We were absolute strangers but we both needed someone to talk to and hang out with badly. She was ostracized from her family, and I was back living in my mom's house trying to make the necessary adjustments to feel comfortable in my skin and my new reality. Because she hadn't known me before the accident, she wasn't uncomfortable around me for being furious and raging over the fact that my dad had died. The most important thing about my friendship with Cr is that I know we're both nuts with our idiosyncracies, vices and whatnot but Cr would give me anything if I needed it. This summer she pulled through for me in a way that no one other than my dad would ever do.

And Chelle, don't be feeling badly I'm not excluding you...I enjoy our newfound friendship. We've known each other for our entire lives but now we're finally getting to know each other. Our friendship is just in its first bloom!

So if you wondering what this post is all about, so am I. I'm just thinking about the different parts of me that have been cultivated by these people, all the wonderful things I've shared with them and learned from them. However, with the exception of Cr and Chelle I hardly see any of my friends anymore and I'm wondering what it's all about. Is it my inability to evolve; my love of the moment and my lack of foresight? Or is it just part of the whole process...the ebb and flow of friendship? I'm a don't-knower.