Well it's official, I have created a monster...but I'll get to that later. Chelle asked me to go with her to her friend from work's party. This would be the friend with whom she shares steamy emails. I agreed to go because, well, you can only go to thitwbar about four times a week before someone organizes an intervention between the bar and myself. Chelle came home from the Erin Express bar tour (which I was feeling a little too under the weather to attend) and we rested a bit, then showered and made ourselves gorgeous.
On our drive to the party Chelle tells me that there were no limitations on the men and that I was "allowed to hook up with anyone I choose". I thank her and then venture into the party to see what the night holds for me. The party was mostly filled with men who were all extremely nice and moderately good looking. Only one stood out to me though--his name was Eric (hey that rhymes with Derek!). The boy who caught my eye was skinny, had shaggy dark hair, a nice nose (I really am a sucker for a nice straight nose--don't ask, we've all agreed that I'm certifiable right?) a brilliant smile with one cute crooked tooth. He also let me wear his Adidas jacket when later in the night my teeth were chattering and I was hiccupping at the same time. Yeah I know Paris, "That's hot!"

Midway through the party Eric and this other guy I think named Keith asked Chelle and I if we wanted to walk down to the bar with them. The party was on a minor lull so we agreed. Little did we know that we'd be walking in zero degree temperatures and down a a huge muddy hill...Actually, I was scared to go down the hill with my heels. I could picture the sliding muddy mess that I would be. My hesitation annoyed the boys, so Keith came back up the hill and threw me over his shoulder and carried me down the hill. We walk into the bar and the big bouncer announces that I cannot go in because I don't have ID with me (I forgot it because who needs ID at a party?). Ok I can understand not being allowed in, it makes me a little sad but fine. I'm drunk, I have the hiccups and I can just go back to the party and drink up. I tell the bartender this and then announce it to my friends. I tell them to stay and that I'll just walk back up the mud hill. I hang my head and turn away. I notice that the bouncer has left his post so I just slip on back around to the bar...all smooth-like...except--the bouncer must've just dropped his cigarette and followed me right back to the bar. I never turned around I just heard Eric say, "Ok, ok we're leaving" as he tucked his freshly purchased beer into his pocket. We made a mass (and quick) exodus. Luckily though, the host of the party (Chelle's email buddy) came to join us and was able to give us a ride back.

We go back to the party and Keith has become a leech. He won't leave Chelle alone. Every time I turn around Keith is up in Chelle's face apparently discussing something very serious. At first, I thought Chelle was into him, and she possibly could've been into him early on in the night but...he just would not go away. He would get pissy with her when she wasn't paying enough attention to him whining things like, "Why don't you like me?" and "I don't think you like me" and "Your rejection is turning me on." (hi worst line ever!!!) Ok, he was too much commitment to deal with for just one party! Within the intervals of time when she could slip away from Keith other party goers said to her, "What's up with you and Scott?" The only problem was that she didn't know which Scott they were talking about because both the host and the roommate's name was Scott. And at this point of the party it was kind of up in the air about which Scott was going to get the "fair lady" Chelle.

The party continued and I had decided that I had had enough beer and that I wanted to sleep so I just curled up on the love seat in the middle of the party, watched a little television on mute and quickly fell asleep. I wake up around 3am, raring to go again...but unfortunately there's no beer left. Most everyone was gone or asleep but Eric, some girl and the host are wide awake too. Eric tells me that I received a text message from my ex boyfriend M at 2:30am that said, "What up?" Eric sent a message back saying, "Not my pants!" We decide that it will be a good idea to watch some porn. Of course, isn't that what everyone does at 3am with people you hardly know? Obviously I do. I inquire about Chelle's wearabouts and I am informed that she's busy having sex with the host's roommate (whom she hooked up with about two years ago before the no sex streak)...see what I mean about creating a monster? She's had more sex in the month of March than she's had in a year and half!

The host crawls up on the love seat with me and attempts to spoon with me. He also mumbles some random porn nothings in my ear. I hear none of it because I'm still focused on Eric. There's still a chance, especially when we're watching the movie so lovingly titled, "The Bitches of XXX" Eric says, "Hey M, let's reinact what we're seeing on the screen."
"Sure," I say,"as soon as these two go to sleep." We repeat this a few times. He says, "Are you a screamer like them M?" I say, "Oh yeah, I'm a screamer, except I'm not a faker like they are..." He volleys back, "Prove it." Those other two don't get the hint and (Eric I think was half joking but I wasn't, and since I wasn't I'm sure we've could've reinacted some porn) so I just continue to watch porn a little pouty. Now had I been more drunk I would've seen nothing wrong with getting down with a virtual stranger in front of two other random strangers, but I had a little bit more class than usual. I think this was due to the fact that I had less alcohol in me than usual.

Let me digress quickly and discuss "The Bitches of XXX" it was a pretty laughable porn with a whole lot of lube (I never really saw a porn where they are busting out lubricant left and right) and what goes best with lube but a ton of anal sex?...More anal sex than I have seen in a long time. It also must've been kind of an old porno because there was absolutely no safe sex...I mean the guy is banging the one girl in the ass and then he switches to the other girl, no condom to be seen--um hi HIV transmission how are you? The best part of the video viewing? Chelle and her little lover heard the moaning and groaning coming from the tv downstairs and Chelle turns to the boy and says, "I think that's my friend M and your roommate!" He looks at her skeptically, and she says, "No really...I've heard her before and that sounds like her." She believes it's me until she hears one of the actresses say, "Fuck me in my ass." Then she doesn't think it's me. Not sure why though. Guess she doesn't think I'd say that...

So the next morning everyone got up early and split from the party...so I didn't get to see the cute boy in his skivvies but I did program my phone number in his phone early on in the night. I didn't tell him I did that though, so it'll be a little surprise for him. I wonder if that would be a creepy surprise or not? I hope not, I was just trying to be funny. Hopefully, since he pulled the text message trick on me we're even. Chelle nonchalantly says about her boy..."if he wants to call me, he'll get my number" and she puts on her sunglasses and drives us home.