Update on J, the Booty Call Master
J, King of the Booty Call needs to get a watch. Last night he called me at 3:38am. Sound asleep, I wake up and immediately think that someone's in trouble, without even looking who's calling I pick up.
M: Hello?
J: Melina?
(um no it's someone else dumbass)
M: (Sigh) Hey J
J: Can you come to my house?
M: No J, it's 3:38, I'm in my bed asleep
J: There's someone there with you isn't there? Isn't there. I feel like such an asshole.
M: Well you are an asshole but no, I'm here alone. I wouldn't have picked up the phone if someone else was here. (actually I probably would've since I panic every time the phone rings this late at night)
J:Oh good...can't we just cuddle?I miss you.
M: (Sigh) Probably not J...I'm tired
J: I'll come to you...(J's phone sex voice goes into a montage of all the good times we've had together, what positions we were in and so on (remember, we haven't had sex in over a year and a half, I'm impressed with his recall--all of this is done in a very drunken slur).
M: (actually reminisces for a second or two and then hashes a quick plan because otherwise she'd be on the phone forever) Fine J, if you can get down here in 15 mins, I'll have sex with you (very romantic huh? actually I kind of knew it was a safe offer to make).
J: Ok, I'll get my friend to drop me off. I'll call you right back with the plan!
M: Ok...(muttering) I won't hold my breath.(hoping to any higher power that a) he doesn't show up and b) he passes out c) that he doesn't conjure up a plan and d) before I hang up I really should just tell him to stay home...just in case).
J: What's that baby?
M: Nothing. See you later (fingers crossed that he will just pass out!)
Melina then puts the phone back on the charger...wishes that it was someone else calling her and not J, the strung out (but sweet) loser and immediately goes back to sleep.
5:30 am...Melina is awakened by her cell phone ringing
Ring, Ring, Ring
Melina looks at the caller id this time--it's J. She rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the story: Always look at your caller id before answering the phone, you never know what someone is trying to sell you.
M: Hello?
J: Melina?
(um no it's someone else dumbass)
M: (Sigh) Hey J
J: Can you come to my house?
M: No J, it's 3:38, I'm in my bed asleep
J: There's someone there with you isn't there? Isn't there. I feel like such an asshole.
M: Well you are an asshole but no, I'm here alone. I wouldn't have picked up the phone if someone else was here. (actually I probably would've since I panic every time the phone rings this late at night)
J:Oh good...can't we just cuddle?I miss you.
M: (Sigh) Probably not J...I'm tired
J: I'll come to you...(J's phone sex voice goes into a montage of all the good times we've had together, what positions we were in and so on (remember, we haven't had sex in over a year and a half, I'm impressed with his recall--all of this is done in a very drunken slur).
M: (actually reminisces for a second or two and then hashes a quick plan because otherwise she'd be on the phone forever) Fine J, if you can get down here in 15 mins, I'll have sex with you (very romantic huh? actually I kind of knew it was a safe offer to make).
J: Ok, I'll get my friend to drop me off. I'll call you right back with the plan!
M: Ok...(muttering) I won't hold my breath.(hoping to any higher power that a) he doesn't show up and b) he passes out c) that he doesn't conjure up a plan and d) before I hang up I really should just tell him to stay home...just in case).
J: What's that baby?
M: Nothing. See you later (fingers crossed that he will just pass out!)
Melina then puts the phone back on the charger...wishes that it was someone else calling her and not J, the strung out (but sweet) loser and immediately goes back to sleep.
5:30 am...Melina is awakened by her cell phone ringing
Ring, Ring, Ring
Melina looks at the caller id this time--it's J. She rolls over and goes back to sleep.
Moral of the story: Always look at your caller id before answering the phone, you never know what someone is trying to sell you.
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