Would you allow a very visibly pregnant woman to walk out with one of these on her belly (it must've transferred from my milk)?? Apparently everyone at my local Giant was OK with it.

Thanks Giant patrons, thanks a lot.

Oh yeah, and fuck you!

I'm going to the gym for the third day this week...it must be an Easter miracle!

Oh wait...

it's because of Easter break that I need to work out. Seriously, I'm going to start crying if these pants get tighter.

When I tell my stories people typically say, "You should write a book!" or "You should do stand up!" I'm not sure that I want to do stand up, but I know that I want to write a book.

The problem is, I open Word and I stare at a blank screen.

Where to begin...

What do I write about?

Uggh.

So, I'm doing a little work and I have the TV on in the background...it's a commercial for wrestling. Woo! (roll of eyes) but then I look up again and I see some guy holding a sign that reads:

Melina Hogs The Covers!

and so now I'm wondering why John's selling all of my secrets to Vince McMahon.

I will be 30 in 69 days. Never has the number 69 seemed so dirty to me in my life.