Reason 1,426,654,986.2 John's a Saint
(First of all...let me say that you are reading my 1,000 post! That's not including my 5,000 drafts! Wooo! I'm so impressed with myself!)
John is a saint. It is very clear to me now that this is actually true and that I'm not just proclaiming it on the blog so that he gives me nookie. Sure, sometimes he's really bossy and he's always on me to be neater (which is really rough, I mean, my house is soo clean...and that's horrible right??!? Nope, I'm glad to be living with a neatnik), but all in all, he's pretty ok and here's why:
Picture yourself in a deep, deep sleep. You dream that you are in an exotic bathroom that is kind of like a hybrid bathroom/outdoor awesome bathhouse in the middle of the Amazon (I don't know, it was my dream and I can't even describe it). Butterflies are floating by you, and everything is verdant and lush. There, up on a mossy mound is a gorgeous toilet (? what constitutes a gorgeous toilet? I have no idea) and you sit upon it and...
...you are actually dreaming that you're peeing...which means that when you wake up you're actually peeing all over your husband!
Um yeah, that was me last night. Can't say that that has happened in about 25 years (not counting my drunken peeing sessions) but hey, it was a really engrossing dream and I gave John a golden shower without his consent. So what did he do about it?
John shrugged it off and moved to the floor with me, where we cuddled up and went back to sleep. Lysol and mattress flipping awaits me later. And yeah, I don't need to hear it...I put the gross in engrossing dreams. Seriously, yo.
PS. Sweetie, I think that means you get a couple of blowjobs and no dishes for a week :)
John is a saint. It is very clear to me now that this is actually true and that I'm not just proclaiming it on the blog so that he gives me nookie. Sure, sometimes he's really bossy and he's always on me to be neater (which is really rough, I mean, my house is soo clean...and that's horrible right??!? Nope, I'm glad to be living with a neatnik), but all in all, he's pretty ok and here's why:
Picture yourself in a deep, deep sleep. You dream that you are in an exotic bathroom that is kind of like a hybrid bathroom/outdoor awesome bathhouse in the middle of the Amazon (I don't know, it was my dream and I can't even describe it). Butterflies are floating by you, and everything is verdant and lush. There, up on a mossy mound is a gorgeous toilet (? what constitutes a gorgeous toilet? I have no idea) and you sit upon it and...
...you are actually dreaming that you're peeing...which means that when you wake up you're actually peeing all over your husband!
Um yeah, that was me last night. Can't say that that has happened in about 25 years (not counting my drunken peeing sessions) but hey, it was a really engrossing dream and I gave John a golden shower without his consent. So what did he do about it?
John shrugged it off and moved to the floor with me, where we cuddled up and went back to sleep. Lysol and mattress flipping awaits me later. And yeah, I don't need to hear it...I put the gross in engrossing dreams. Seriously, yo.
PS. Sweetie, I think that means you get a couple of blowjobs and no dishes for a week :)
Labels: dreams, golden showers, i'm stupid sometimes, john's a saint, peeing on John
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