This is blog of a woman who didn't know what she wanted and so chased after dreams and men in search of the answers...drunken hilarity ensued. Then one day she met a man who was everything she wanted, but he wasn't so sure. Then she did the unthinkable; after they broke up she gave him this blog address and she let him into her mind as well as her heart. Unbelievably, even after sorting through the sordid archives of failed relationships, one night stands and her lusty (and embarassing) pursuit to secure the heart of a certain young line cook, John somehow managed to fall in love with her too. Melina and John were married a little over six months after they started dating, running away to Las Vegas to seal the deal. You can imagine what the over/under bet was to see if they'd even make it a year!! Over a year later and they are still going strong...this blog has become their story. Need to tell me something? Email me at Melinalovesjohnny at gmail dot com
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Thursday, October 26, 2006
Porkin (sp?), Forking and Wing Night...
As promised there are updates to be had. And here they are.

The other night John and I were lying on the couch watching a movie (Star Wars...who would of thunk it?? ha ha...Star Wars is a pervasive part of our lives in a couple of different ways) and it was about time to go to bed. John got off the couch and valiantly leaned over and offered me his hand to help pull me up. With arm extended he smiled at me and said, "Ya ready, Porkin?" and then his face froze as he heard what his mouth had uttered. I busted into laughter. "Porkin? Are you seriously calling me Porkin?" laughing all the while, "I don't think you should call your wife Porkin, especially when she's not so happy with her weight right now!!" And his excuse? He states he was trying to call me either Pork Chop or Pumpkin (two favorite pet names that we have for each other) and he combined the two. Right...riiiighht. The funniest part? The nickname has stuck and now we're both known as Porkin.

The next item of business is the fact that John and I would like to see if it's possible to go about patenting a way in which to lay on the couch. Truth be told, we spend the majority of the time we spend together...on the couch. Everyone knows the time old form of lying on the couch called "Spooning" but we like to lay on opposite ends of the couch facing each other in "V" formation. My legs then rest on top of his legs and typically the dog lays in the little diamond between us poking us with her bony elbows (seriously, I have bruises on my legs from her damn bony elbows!). We have given this couch position the moniker--Forking...we either have too much time on our hands or (and this second option is the one I like to believe) we're just really witty and awesome. Please, test out Forking and let us know what you think.

And finally Wing Night. Ah, beloved wing night...the girls and I used to go and get absolutely bombed while our lips ne'er touched a buffalo sauced piece of chicken. Now that I'm married I've come to love Wing Night a little more than before because 1) I get to actually eat wings and 2) I don't have a massive hangover in the morning because we're don't drink and cry in our beer like the girls and I used to (Not that it wasn't fun mind you...but it was never fun on Thursday mornings!). This Wing Night was a little different because we were meeting John's friend at the bar. I was scared. I had seen this girl's profile on Myspace and she terrified me....she's like a tiny, tattooed bulldog who seriously has a hatred for skinheads and fascists (that's a good's just the fervent nature of the message on her page).

I had briefly met her once before, on Thanksgiving Eve (the same night I first met Johnny!) and she came up to my table, and growled, "Where's the can in this place?" I just pointed to it and told Tara, "She's not going to kill me now since I told her where the bathroom, she still might kill." Last night was the first time that I was going to really meet her since then. And I had a few new things to go on. 1) John stated she was "a really nice girl" and 2) John had had sex with her in the past. Hmm, I wasn't sure how I felt about meeting the girl who had a bullring through her nose, the punk rock hair cut of short (nearly buzzed in the back) and longbangs looped behind her ears. Not because how she looked but really because she had sex with my husband!! I swear, it's hilarious how indignant and jealous I get about it (it was a while back). John just rolls his eyes at me and in his head I know he's thinking mean things about me and all the people that he could run into concerning me...but he doesn't say it--and that makes him a good boy...a really good boy.

And let me tell you...John wasn't lying, she was a really nice girl. And to be honest, I barely thought about that time that John put his penis in her. Sure it popped into my head once or twice, but for the most part it was a pleasant two hour hang out. When John and I got into his car he asked, "Well what'd ya think?" And I said, "Well, she's really the point that I barely thought about the fact that you two banged before." And his reply? "Well, if it makes you feel any better it was really, really awkward." And indeed, because I'm a grinch with the heart the size of a pea, I did feel better--even though there was no reason for me to feel badly, since she has a boyfriend and regaled me with tales of Johnny being drunk trying to eat congealed pork fat. It's a proven fact that when a girl tells stories of a man eating anything congealed, she's just not that into you...because you're gross (unless your my husband, then you're just a hungry drunk).

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posted by Melina at 1:06 PM