Hang in there while I try to get the format
fixed. I'm typing so that you can see it
when it's all fixed, I guess I'll have to
fix this too.

What's wrong with me? I couldn't get
myself to go out last night. I sat at
home and caught a buzz myself and moped.
I thought I was over the moping/crying
thing, I mean it's not productive it's
not going to bring John back...so really
I'm just hurtung myself, right? Right.
So yeah I don't know why this second
round of self-pity and self loathing
has decided to spring up. I'm really
not looking forward to putting a fake
smile on my face, girly clothes (I never
wear skirts if I can avoid it) and discuss
weddings today. I think I'm missing that
gene.

I really just want to put my pj's back on
and pull the covers back over my head and
listen to music for the rest of the day.

Instead, I'll be driving in a car for two hours
practicing my most plastic smile and my
shortest response for why John decided to do away with
me...as I've told a few people that will be
at this function that I found someone who I
thought was perfect for me.

And here's a dangerous confession. I woke up
this morning hoping that maybe John got drunk
last night and texted me...maybe thinking a little
about me? But no texts except from T and E. For
all I know (in fact I could probably place bets on this)
John and Rachel patched things up, and here
I am...trying to talk this all out, trying to get over
him...without actually wanting to.